In the Middle of Now
I’ve read so many things so I do not know where the idea below came from. It feels very intuitive and kicks in when the conditions are right for it.
Lately, this instruction comes during meditation once things are relatively settled. It usually happens when I cruise on “resting awareness on the breath”. The instruction / intention is to “get in the middle of now”. At this point, breath sensations strangely get mixed up with color sensations, so that I experience breathing as various shades of black interacting. When I do the “middle of now”, it almost feels like top of the breath is a little black arrowhead that dives into the sea of blackness.
I did this today, and it turns out, that the middle of now has quite a lot in store for me. First, I started breathing as if I just completed the NYC marathon. I can’t make myself breathe like that if you would ask me to try it now. Then, tears came, then, sadness. I find it very interesting that tears would be before the actual emotion and even more interesting, to experience emotion without knowing the underlying cause – just pure raw emotion. The sadness stops suddenly – that is also very cool, as if someone is pressing “emotion” buttons to see what each one does. Some more unusual breathing followed, and a bit of moaning as if experiencing low-grade pain, and a weird guttural sound almost like very quite growl.
It felt good to get all of this stuff out. Afterwards, there was a feeling of nice calm. So, I will definitely explore diving into the middle of experience again. It is pretty cool. I also see how it can be applied off the cushion – to everything.